Crib to bed transition
Two of the most terrifying transitions a family makes; bringing home their newborn baby AND transitioning their toddler from crib to big kid bed.
It’s a big change, and one that requires a lot of patience from parents and responsibility from the child. We can make the process easier on everyone by setting up for success, having a plan and ensuring your child feels nurtured and supported throughout the process. Let’s talk about 5 tips to make this transition easier.
What you’ll learn from this blog:
- When to transition (and when not to) and why you might need to
- 5 tips to make the transition to big kid bed easier
- Troubleshooting if that transition isn’t going smooth
When to transition to a toddler bed
Most children sleep in their cribs till 2-years-old, however some families may transition them out sooner and that’s ok too. Much like any parenting decision, you should make choices that work best for your family and own them with confidence.
If your child is comfortably and safely sleeping in their crib, there’s no need to rush the transition. Many children sleep in their crib till they are 3 (and sometimes even 4!).
On average, children transition from their crib to bed around 3.
If you want to keep your child in their crib past the toddler stage, I would recommend finding a sleep sack that they can’t take off easily. This may mean zipping the sleep sack up backwards and ensuring the fit is optimal so they can’t wiggle their arms out to peel it off. Once the sleep sack is off, it’s so much easier for them to swing a leg up on their crib bar and escape.
Which leads us to reasons you may need to transition from crib to bed.
Why make the transition…
- They are consistently climbing out of their crib and it’s now a safety concern. If you’ve dropped their mattress to the lowest setting, positioned their crib against the wall/in a corner to limit access points, removed large stuffies they might use as a stepping stone and they are still climbing out, it’s time to make the switch.
- Your child is maxing out on the height safety recommendations for their crib. If the manufacturer of your crib has a height/weight limit, you’ll want to be aware of this and follow the guidelines.
- Parent health and well-being. If you (or partner) are physically unable to lift them in/out of a crib for any reason and it’s putting undue strain on you, you may consider it time to make the crib to bed transition.
- The crib isn’t aligning with your family values. Some families ditch the crib early and move to a family floor bed situation (e.g., large floor bed that everyone sleeps in all night long together).
When not to make the transition…
- They ask for it. Children often ask for things they see others have (e.g., cousin, sibling) and just because they ask, doesn’t mean they are ready for it. It’s a child’s job to ask for the world. It’s your job as parent to decide if their ask is appropriate for them or not.
- New baby is coming and you need the crib. For some children, losing their crib so the new sibling can use it may feel like they’re being “pushed aside” or having to give up “their” space. If possible, consider borrowing from a friend or finding a crib second-hand for the new baby to use when you’re ready. This is one less transition your toddler needs to navigate.
- You’re hoping it will magically fix sleep. For some families, if sleep is already difficult, adding the freedom of a toddler bed can sometimes make things significantly more challenging. More distractions and freedom = more challenges trying to settle and stay asleep. For some other families, if sleep is going ok in a co-sleeping/room sharing situation but you’re looking for them to be in their own room, this transition can go ok as they’re familiar with the mattress situation but you’ll be changing the room environment.
- Someone is telling you they should be out of a crib by now. Your child = your rules. Don’t let someone else’s opinion alter how you want to parent your child. You know your limits the best, you know your child better than anyone else. If it feels best to keep them in the crib, then go for it.
5 tips to make the transition easier
Transitioning your child from a crib to a bed is a significant milestone in their development that symbolizes growth and independence. Challenges and uncertainty for both your child and you as the parent can occur during this transition, especially if it happens abruptly. These 5 tips will provide you with strategies to make the transition as smooth and positive as possible.
1.Safety proof
Before making the big transition, ensure their room is safe. Get on your hands and knees and explore their surroundings as if you were an impulsive curious toddler. Ensure furniture is anchored, cords are secure, choking hazards removed, toys they can’t use independently are removed, etc.
For some families, they may consider adding a baby gate to their child’s door frame to ensure they are kept safe/contained in their room . Essentially you’re treating the whole room like a crib. If this doesn’t align with your parenting preferences, some families put a door alarm/signal so if their child opens the bedroom door, they are immediately alerted to it. For other families, they may consider a gate at the top of the stairs so if they do wander in the night, they don’t have a stair accident.
Safety proofing should also include a strategy to prevent them from rolling out of bed. Maybe that’s a floor bed. Maybe it’s a rolled up towel or pool noodle under their fitted sheet. Maybe it’s a bed rail or bumper. Maybe it’s a play couch strategically placed on the floor in case they fall out they have a soft landing.
Your child is going to play in their room and they will get out of their bed. This is normal toddler development to explore their surroundings. By anticipating these challenges and safety proofing their room, it proactively sets everyone up for success.
2. Visual clock
Before the crib to bed transition, you may consider introducing a visual clock (also known as an ok-to-wake clock) which can help your toddler learn the rules of bed and bedtime. Red = bed. Green = go. You can read more about this strategy on this blog I wrote.
3. Involve your child and meet their needs early
Children love to feel in control and involved in many aspects of their lives (don’t we all!). Sometimes it’s easy to involve them, and other times it’s not but this is a good example of a time to give them choices and control of as many aspects as possible.
Some choices they can be a part of:
- Their bedding and new bed (if an option)
- Their stuffies
- Books in their room
- Twinkle lights or night light available
- Door open or closed
- Meditation at bedtime
Involve your child by reading books about this transition (a quick google search of “books about bedtime for toddlers” will likely yield you good options!) or consider making a social story for your child to explain the process to them in a more individualized way.
Once they’re tucked in, anticipate their needs and meet them before they signal for them. E.g., if your child always asks for water 10 minutes after bed, bring them their water bottle filled so there’s no reason for them to get out of bed. If they say they have to poop once you’re tucking in, offer a bathroom trip as the final part of the bedtime routine. If your child always asks for an extra hug 15 minutes after you’ve left, consider going to visit them after 5-10 minutes to meet their needs first. This allows your child to learn you understand them and are nurturing their needs along the journey. Just because your child is calm in their bed, doesn’t mean they wouldn’t love a little check-in and extra kiss. A simple phrase of “I’ll be back to check on you” can help them feel secure in the process (knowing you’ll be back) and trust that you mean what you say (so if you say you’re coming back, do so).
4. Clear expectations and boundaries
Ensuring your clear bedtime routine continues during this transition will be important. This helps them have predictability and security which will ease their emotional response. Depending on the age of your child, their bedtime routine may need to change also when you make the crib to bed transition. Some children need more sensory regulation as part of bedtime routine (e.g., rough and tumble or heavy work) and others need more uninterrupted quality time with each parent in a calmer manner.
Talk to your child about what the expectations are for bedtime ahead of time. No one likes surprises (especially at 3am). If your child is guessing what the expectation is (e.g., sometimes you lay with them, sometimes you don’t, sometimes you check on them and sometimes you say you will but don’t, sometimes you fall asleep on their floor and sometimes you try to sneak away), it can leave your child feeling unsure and insecure in their job.
This is the hard part of parenting! Boundaries aren’t always there to keep them happy (in fact, they usually aren’t happy during these moments) but boundaries are meant to keep our kids safe and should have their wellbeing in mind. I can’t tell you what your bedtime boundaries should be as this is truly driven by your parenting preferences and family values but what I do want to encourage is that whatever boundaries you set (e.g., sleeping beside them, family bed, expectation to sleep in their own bed all night, etc.), you explain them clearly to your child and implement them consistently and confidently with kindness and love. Boundaries aren’t to be enforced with shame, anger or frustration. Boundaries should be enforced with kindness, firmness (e.g., you do what you say), and with patience and love for their learning and development, holding space for their big feelings along the way. Dr Becky Kennedy recently released an awesome podcast on boundaries – listen to it here.
Staying consistent on your boundaries (this is reallllllly hard sometimes – I get it!) will provide your child leadership which will help them understand their new expectations. Inconsistent boundaries = confusion = protest.
Consistent boundaries should apply to all areas of sleep:
- bedtime routine (e.g., whether you’re laying beside them till asleep or coming back to check on them)
- night wakings (e.g., will you walk them back to bed with calm guidance each time they venture into your room? Will they sleep in your bed once awake? Will they sleep in a cozy nest spot in your room if they come in? You will respond to them in their room and sing a specific song?)
- Mornings (e.g., they need to stay in their room till light turns green, if it’s still red = it’s still bed so the boundary would be you respond to anything during the red zone as a night waking. Another reminder to read this blog to learn morning about visual clocks and why they can be helpful and how to use one effectively).
Boundaries can be difficult to verbally explain to children sometimes. Visuals can be helpful to communicate the message to young children. Check out this freebie resource on how to use a visual schedule to improve your child’s bedtime routine and bedtime experience.
5. Letting go of control
Knowing and truly accepting there are aspects of your child’s sleep that we can’t control is important. When your child is able to explore their whole room, there is an increased likelihood they will fall asleep on their floor. Is it ideal? No. Can we stop them? Not really! It’s out of our control and their choice of where they want to sleep. It will take them time to adjust to their new arrangements so don’t panic.
When you learn to accept the things you can’t control, you are better able to model calm confident leadership to your children which they will mirror back to you.
Troubleshooting if the transition isn’t going smooth
Keep getting out of bed…
- This is a super common challenge and related to the lack of impulse control in young children. A child under 3 may just not be developmentally ready for the responsibility of a big kid bed in a big room and sometimes, it still has to happen. Your boundaries will need to be really clear for them to understand the expectations of the big kid bed. This applies for whether you’re bed sharing or not. This also goes back to accepting that we can’t control it all. If your child is laying on their floor playing stuffies instead of falling asleep, interrupting this may become more of a power struggle than it’s worth.
Waking early in the morning and ready to start the day…
- First suggestion would be to evaluate their total daytime sleep amount (you can read more about that here) and see if a revision needs to be made to their bedtime and daytime sleep.
- Second suggestion is to have rules about when morning starts and what will happen before then (e.g., if morning doesn’t start till 6am and they wake at 5;30am, they can read books quietly in their room or play with their stuffed animals. You will get them when it’s 6am and time to start the day.) For more spirited children (this was my son), this required a lot of persistence and consistency from us to find the right balance for him.
They are waking frequently in the night…
- You’ll want to determine the root of their wake-ups. What is the true reason for the wake? Sometimes this takes some digging and analyzing a pattern. Once you have the reason discovered, you determine the best strategies to support them.
Transitioning your child from a crib to a bed is a journey that requires patience, preparation, and plenty of love. By understanding your child’s unique needs, preparing their environment, and supporting them through the process, you can make this transition a positive experience for your family. If the transition hasn’t been going smooth, connect with me here to discuss how an individualized plan can support you and your child on the journey to better sleep.
Wishing you all the best on this chapter of the journey,
Chelsea
A few interesting reads about self-control and parent-perceived sleep outcomes in crib vs bed
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.sleep.2018.10.012
https://doi.org/10.1038/srep07272
Chelsea is Mom of 2 and a Baby, Toddler and Child Sleep Consultant. She has advanced certification in Infant and Early Mental Health and Pediatric Sleep Health and has a Master’s of Professional Education with a specialization in Applied Behaviour Analysis. She supports families within Hamilton and beyond with hands-on, no cry-it-out, responsive methods towards longer naps and better nights. Chelsea works collaboratively with families to empower them with the confidence and tools they need to reach their unique sleep goals. Hear from rested families here and book a free call with Chelsea here to discuss how she can support your family’s journey to more sleep.