Mental Health is health and YOU matter. Whether you’re hoping to build your family, a new mom, or a seasoned mom – parenting and motherhood is a journey with many ups and downs. I hope this blog gives you hope, validation, strategies and support for your motherhood and mental health journey.

Meet Jessica

Jessica is a Registered Social Worker and Psychotherapist and Mom to two girls. She specializes in perinatal mental health which is all things mental health for women related from thinking about having children to raising children and everywhere in between.

Why did you decide to specialize in perinatal mental health? What’s your favourite part about your role?

For most of my career in social work, I have worked with women in the context of supporting them and raising their children. So very early on in my career I was definitely drawn to working with this population. After having my own children (2014 and 2017) and facing the real truth of how challenging it is to be a mom in our current society, I knew I had to focus my practice even more on supporting women in the perinatal period. I have so many favourite parts about my role but probably my most favourite part is that by working with moms, I’m helping them raise emotionally healthy children even if I never meet their children. Healthy moms equal healthy children which is what we all want.

What type of goals do you support clients with? How does your practice differ from another?

Common Goals:

• “Enjoy time with my kids more and be actively present”
• “Learn how to accept how my life has changed since having children even if that involves grieving my past life”
• “Model positive coping to my children”
• “Prioritize self-care without guilt and the ability to set/hold stronger boundaries”
• “Trust my intuition as a parent and build more confidence in myself as a parent”

My practice is unique because I go beyond the surface level of encouraging moms to just get more support and practice more self-care. I get to the root of what is getting in the way of finding your way again and come up with practical ways to help if things like self-care and more support are not options for you.

How has your motherhood journey impacted your professional practice?

I’m not only a therapist, but also a mom of two girls. I know what it means to struggle and find my way again through this season of life. I experienced debilitating postpartum anxiety and intrusive thoughts after the birth of my first daughter. I also struggled to find a groove in the early years of motherhood in terms of figuring out how to balance their needs with my needs. I learned that it’s okay to struggle, ask for help, and that while I did not necessarily love those early years, I was able to figure out how to make it work for not only my family, but for myself as a person outside of motherhood. This perspective is also what makes me unique in my practice as I’m able to deeply validate that many moms are also in a similar position.

How would someone know that they should book a therapy appointment? What would you say to someone who is hesitant but struggling with their mental health?

That it’s okay to take your time and true readiness is everything. One thing I think all prenatal and early postpartum women should be offered is an in-depth mental health check-up, just like we have well-baby checks. Even if you’re not thinking you need therapy or are not quite ready, just scheduling one 90 minute session around 32 weeks and 2-4 weeks postpartum is incredibly valuable. It may even prevent you from needing longer term therapy. 

The most important thing to know when engaging in therapy of any kind is that you feel comfortable with your therapist so it’s always a great idea to take advantage of the free consultations many therapists offer, including myself. And if you do go ahead with a first session, you will typically know after 1-2 sessions if that therapist is right for you.

What are some immediate tools a Mom could use to cope during a particularly challenging night of baby sleep?

• Try to go to bed early yourself
• Have everything set up in advance for night wakings whether that’s your nursing pillow or bottle supplies, water for yourself, charged phone (although adjust the light for sure to be low), and diaper supplies.
• If you do have support, PLEASE PLEASE take it. What I recommend in the early postpartum period but also in later stages when baby may be going through a challenging stage of sleep, is enlist your partner, mom, or other trusted person to assist with night wakings. If you’re exclusively breastfeeding, this could look like your support person bringing the baby to you to nurse and then taking over to settle baby back to sleep so you can get right back to sleep yourself. If you are bottle feeding, you could take turns with the night wakings. There is this idea that if the mom is on maternity leave, she “should” be doing all the night wakings if their partner is working. What I say to this is being on maternity leave actually is work and moms need their sleep as well to function. Other ways support people can help is to manage all aspects related to older children you may have including the early morning routine so mom can sleep longer. And of course make mom coffee and breakfast before heading out for the day. 
• If you don’t have support and are struggling with broken sleep, give yourself permission to take it easy the next day whether that is napping or just resting on the couch versus feel as though you have to fill your day with fun activities for baby or household chores.

Are there any specific mantras you’d like to share that an overwhelmed, tired Mom could use during hard parenting moments?

• This is truly a stage that will pass (this is easier to truly recognize if this is not your first baby)
• I might be tired tomorrow, but I will be okay and in all likelihood I’ll still be able to accomplish some things. 
• Even if I cannot nap during the day, I can rest. 
• I’m doing the best that I can. 
• This is really hard right now, so I need to be extra kind to myself. 
• It’s okay to ask for help because I’m not supposed to do this all on my own.

If a Mom felt overwhelmed by their toddler during a bedtime battle, what would you suggest they do in the moment to regulate themself?

• Take a break to self-regulate yourself. This could look like 1-2 minutes of deep breathing by your child or away from them. You can also try the 5-senses grounding tool where you ground yourself to your surroundings by noting 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste – if you can grab something to taste even better such as a sour candy. 
• Ask your partner to take over while you gather yourself. 
• If you do find you lose it in front of your child, own it and apologize to them after and tell them it was not about them, but because you were tired, stressed, etc.

What tips can you provide for a Mom or mom-to-be who may be experiencing intrusive thoughts?

Educate yourself on what intrusive thoughts are and that literally everyone gets them. It is true they happen more in times of high stress and transition such as the perinatal stage. The best thing you can do is recognize the thought as intrusive and disengage from it whether that is distracting yourself, grounding yourself, practicing mindfulness, or continuing on with whatever activity you were planning to do. Trying to rationalize away the thoughts will just make them bigger.

Do you have any recommendations for a Mom who has difficulty with boundaries regarding their parenting choices (e.g., sleep) and family members’ opinions of that?

That’s a hard one for sure. The first thing I would recommend is checking in with yourself about your values when it comes to your parenting and whether what you’re doing aligns with your values. If it does, that can provide you with the confidence you need to deal with those questions/opinions of others. And then if someone is questioning your choice around infant sleep or feeding, you could say something like “I hear you and what we’re doing right now works for us. I’ll let you know if that changes and come to you if I need your advice.” It’s polite and serves to shut down the conversation versus feel as though you need to explain all your decisions.

What is your favourite form of self-care?

Time to myself. I never knew before becoming a mom how much time I require to recharge. What that looks like has changed as I’ve moved through the various stages of parenting. When my girls were little that looked like using nap times as time just for me versus all about household tasks. Now that they are older and more independent, I get up early to have coffee by myself and workout. That would not have been feasible though when they were younger as I was a lot more tired. So it’s about considering where you are at now and what is realistic for you so that you’re not adding more onto your plate than is necessary.

 If a Mom was interested in learning more about your practice and how you can support them, what should they do next?

You can check out my website at www.mountainbrowcounselling.com to learn more about me and my associate Brittany Gendron. We both offer free consultations so feel free to book one at your convenience to find out if working together is right for you.

 

Wishing you a supported motherhood journey.

Chelsea and Jessica

 

Chelsea is Mom of 2 young kids and a Certified Baby Sleep Consultant supporting families within Hamilton, Ontario and beyond. She has a Masters of Professional Education and over 10 years of professional experience in parent coaching and supporting families. She works collaboratively with families to empower them with the confidence and tools they need to reach their unique sleep goals. Read from other rested families here and if you’re ready to start your journey to more sleep, book a free call with Chelsea here to discuss how she can support your family.