Room sharing on vacation or as part of your family’s sleep journey? This blog is for you! If your family is on the cusp of a sleep space transition, there are a few factors to consider to make this transition successful. When it is time to move your children into the same sleep space, it’s normal to feel overwhelmed with the many what-if and how-will-it-go scenarios; this is a big change for everyone and big changes can mean big feelings. 

Whether you are room sharing on vacation, for space requirements, parenting preferences or comfort for siblings, here are the tips you need to make this transition as smooth as possible. 

What you’ll learn from this blog:

• What is room sharing and why/when do families do it
• How to set the environment up to support different sleep temperaments
• How to manage different sleep schedules and bedtimes 
• How to do sleep routines when room sharing 
• How to manage sleep challenges when/if they happen

What is room sharing?

Room sharing is when you have multiple individuals sharing a room for sleep. Room sharing can be with parents and children or siblings. Depending on your family preferences and location in the world, room sharing is a normal and appropriate setup for many families’ sleep journey and just because someone else doesn’t use this method, doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with it for your family. 

Before we continue, room-sharing and co-sleeping/bed-sharing do not mean the same thing. Room sharing is sharing a common area for sleep. It does not mean sharing the same sleep surface, such as a shared family bed. 

Room sharing can take place at any age, and for many different reasons. Truly, there is nothing wrong with room sharing if it’s important to you and your family. 

Common times a family may room share:

• newborn stage as a protective factor against SIDS
• family preferences (because you want to is a valid reason!)
• child needs (medical, emotional, etc.)
• when a child is sick and/or has increased nighttime needs
• during travel
• lack of space at home with multiple children (e.g., older siblings, twins, 1-bedroom condo, etc.) 

How to set the environment up to support different sleep temperaments

The sleep environment is your first strategy to implement when considering room sharing. We can control different elements of the environment that can support sleep, such as the room’s temperature, sounds, and darkness.

Along with these basic environmental elements, we also want to explore sound positioning, bed positions and dividers in the room.

• Bed position for room sharing

  • For children that are toilet trained or have frequent support needs in the night (e.g., feedings) you may consider having their bed closer to the door to avoid disruption to others in the room. 
  • If siblings are room sharing with different bed timing, set up the one who goes to bed later closer to the door to decrease disruptions. 
  • If using bunk beds, the top bunk should be the oldest child and the one with the lowest needs at night. If temporarily sick, you may consider moving their mattress to the floor to support their increased night needs. 
  • Having a ‘cozy nest’ in your room (usually on floor beside your bed) for your child to sleep in during sickness, nightmare, transition from co-sleeping to their own room, etc.

• Placement of sound machines for room sharing

  • Try to place the sound machine in the middle of the room and/or between their beds. It’s ok to have 2 machines going at once if needed.
  • From a safety perspective, we want to have it at least 5 feet away from their head and no louder than 50 decibels high. You can read more about sound machines on this blog. 

• Dividing the room during room sharing

  • If you are worried about your children waking each other up, or you are room sharing and having difficulty with sleep, you can look at dividing the sleep space. 
  • Suggestions, use a Slumberpod (use code: littlesleepspace), a divider freestanding divider or by hanging a sheet between the beds on a rope, or bunk beds (if age appropriate).

Sleep temperaments and room sharing

When considering room sharing, we want to take into consideration each child’s unique sleep needs and temperament. Sleep temperaments can help you decide whether they are a good match for room share and where to set them up. It also helps set you up with realistic expectations for the experience, especially if it’s temporary and you want them to eventually get back to their own sleep space.

Are they:

• FOMO
  • Do they have a fear of missing out (FOMO)? Any sound they hear they want to join in? Can they get an increase in energy from others? If someone else is getting excited, they may get excited too.
• Sensitive sleeper
  • Do noises easily wake them up? Does movement in the room wake them up? Do schedule hiccups tend to cause more wake-ups or more support needed? Are they sensitive to changes in routines?
• Adaptable sleeper
  • Can they adapt to an environment quickly? Do they sleep soundly with others around? Can a party take place in the home and they sleep through it?
• Are they early risers or late sleepers? Will this impact who/when they can room share?

Some combinations to consider; 

• If you have a sensitive sleeper who goes to bed earlier, set them up furthest from the door with the sound machine closer to them. A sensitive sleeper may also have a difficult time transitioning from room sharing back to their own space and will need time to adapt. 
• If you have an adaptable sleep, they may do well closer to the door and may only need a few environmental sleep props to help aid in their sleep, such as sound machines or dividers.

How to manage different sleep schedules 

Stagger bedtimes

If you have multiple children with different sleep needs, it can be helpful to stagger their bedtimes when room sharing. Staggering their bedtimes can help you provide the support they each individually need and not worry about bouncing between each child in the room, potentially setting off a chain of events between both.

Staggering bedtimes, by at least 30 minutes, can also help minimize waking the other child up. Of course, if bedtime is a battle and a big process, you may consider establishing a smoother bedtime process before room sharing begins. Working with a sleep consultant to create an individualized plan can make this process easier – you can book a connection call here to talk through the support options I have available to support your family.  

Do you have a noisy toddler?

If you have a noisy toddler, it can help to model to them what to do before going into the room, create a social story to explain why room sharing is happening and what the expectations are, practice through role play with dolls and temporarily increase the sound machine during their transition into the room. Elements of fun and playfulness can also make this process easier by challenging them to be quiet like a mouse and tiptoe like a ballerina to bed.  

Is your toddler toilet training?

Using a Slumber Pod and sound machine for the other child can be your teammate through this process. The other child won’t notice the frequent trips out of the room as they are essentially in their own space. You may also consider putting a potty in their room to prevent door opening/closing multiple times in a night. 

How to do sleep routines and bedtimes

For some families, creating a sleep routine room where you do all the steps of the routines outside their bedroom is helpful. For example, after the bathroom routine is done, massage, pajamas, books, songs and snuggles happen in a different space of the home, rather than their bedroom. Having a different space for sleep routines can help minimize distractions and wake-ups, especially if one child is going to sleep at a different time. 

If your children have close sleep times (e.g., 15 minutes), you can start the routines in your primary bedroom and bring one child into their sleep space to settle, then bring in the other child(ren) one at a time. Slowly bringing them in can decrease the chance of them revving each other with extra energy.

If you’re flying solo for a bedtime routine with multiple children, depending on their ages, set up the sleep routines in their room. Set up the child that needs less support with an activity such as a book or meditation, and then support the other child. If both are young children, you may need to put on your superhero cape and power through their routine together. 

How to manage sleep challenges when/if they happen

Finding your groove with a good sleep routine and a setup for room sharing may take some time. The novelty is exciting for young children and sometimes this can cause the bedtime sillies. Be prepared to offer extra support and calm confident guidance to your children to guide them through the transition. No threats, no bribes, no shame. Just compassionate care to acknowledge this is a big change for them and they may need your consistent reassurance to support them. 

If it aligns with your family preferences, staying present in the room until all children are asleep is a strategy often used during the room sharing process.

If your child(ren) are usually sleepers who don’t need in-room support, they may need this during the transition. 

Bedtime support

If your child needs support at bedtime/night, it may be helpful to offer them support in a different room so as to not disturb other children. If that’s not possible (e.g., cottage, travel, etc.) you may need to support them in the room sharing environment which may introduce (or re-introduce) sleep associations that you typically don’t use. This happens and it’s ok. When it’s possible to get back to your foundation (e.g., trip is over, child isn’t sick, etc.), you can re-establish your bedtime boundaries and get back on track. 

If you’re needing support to get your children sleeping well before a room sharing experience has to happen, book a connection call here to talk through plan options. If you’re needing support on how to set up a room sharing experience, book a support call here. 

Chelsea is Mom of 2 and a Certified Baby, Toddler and Child Sleep Consultant with advanced certification in Infant and Early Mental Health and Pediatric Sleep Health. She supports families within Hamilton and beyond with hands-on, no cry-it-out, responsive methods towards longer naps and better nights. She has a Master’s of Professional Education (specialization in Applied Behaviour Analysis) and over 10 years of professional experience supporting families in the community. Chelsea works collaboratively with families to empower them with the confidence and tools they need to reach their unique sleep goals. Hear from rested families here and book a free call with Chelsea here to discuss how she can support your family’s journey to more sleep.

 

Moon, R. Y., & American Academy of Pediatrics Task Force on Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. (2016). SIDS and other sleep-related infant deaths: Evidence base for 2016 updated recommendations for a safe infant sleeping environment. Pediatrics, 138(5), e20162940. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27940805/